The stigma of money

One of the most valuable things I’ve learned on this debt journey is it becomes easier once you take away the stigma of money.

In general people are incredibly open about every other area of their lives, but when it comes to money that all changes. You’re not supposed to know how much your friends earn, you can’t know what debt they have, what they spend on things in their lives or what they have saved. It’s considered vulgar to talk about and rude to ask but, for us, it’s made it so much easier when we can talk about it!

We have great friends in our lives and the ones that we are closest too are the ones that we talk about money with. Just as it’s made our marriage even better by talking about money, it’s also made our friendships better as well. At the start it was a softly softly approach, the mention of a budget or a passing comment on paying off debt but then we realised how great it was to just lay out the numbers! We started telling people in detail what our numbers were. I started talking about how I was working on bringing areas of my budget down or started explaining why I was saying no to going out. All our friends know what we earn and it’s not to show off, it just gives a perspective on the debt payoff that we’re aiming for. The more I’ve talked about it the easier it’s got too talk about it.

Once we did start talking about it a fantastic thing happened- other people started talking to us about their finances as well. We realised that (although our numbers may be high) we’re not actually the only idiots in the world who didn’t know where their wages disappeared to!

It worked for us in three ways when we opened up about our money.
1- it’s easy to tell people that we can’t do something or suggest an alternative, free, plan of events
2- it took a bit of the guilt away for getting into this situation. We realised that everyone has debt in a varying degree and it didn’t make us terrible humans
3- it made us a bit more accountable for it. If you’re talking about it and being asked about it from people outside of your relationship then you want to keep on track that little bit more.

Peer pressure is a very real thing, it’s just changed now so that what we want to be doing well in is paying off debt, being self sufficient and planning for retirement 😂!

Have you found anything that’s made it easier to get debt free?

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Thankful thoughts

It’s officially Autumn now and there’s a definite pity party happening in the household at the moment… I’m fed up of it and everyone around us must be as well. We have an amazing life so to try and head it off I wanted to write down just some of the things I’m grateful for.

There are many things I could start this list with but I’ll start with the sappiest one and say my husband. I often sit and marvel that I’ve been blessed with such a beautiful man inside and out. I appreciate more and more the wonder of finding someone who wants the same things for our future and will bust his butt to get them for us. I asked him the other night what inspired him to do what he did (it was a question I’d struggled to answer that day when asked in work) and he said providing for me. He is motivated because we want our future goals to come to fruition ❤️. How often would you find a man who’s willing to run the same budget numbers with you every night just because it keeps you focused?!

The next thing I’m supremely grateful for is my friends. At 30 I have best friends, actual movie style best friends, who aren’t just my family. It’s something I haven’t had since I was 15 and it’s odd and great! It’s been a whole learning experience for me. Two of my closest female friends do me the very great honour of allowing me to call myself Aunty to their babies. They let me bug the life out of them by hanging out at their house and drinking tea and playing with my beautiful niece and nephew for hours on end. I’ve now been asked to be Godmother to a gorgeous new Godson who will arrive in January. I don’t know if I can describe how humbled and amazed it makes me feel to have both these ‘titles’ for these tiny humans. I love them unconditionally and it is a phenomenal thing for me. It also means I have people who are at the same point in life as me and who I can talk to or even bitch too when I am having a bit of a crap day. To have people understand or just listen is great. They are there to just text or go and see and sometimes I just have to remind myself that that isn’t an inconvenience for them, they actually don’t find me that boring! They’re also the ones who have been there every day when I’ve been honest and said I can’t afford to do something. Instead of just avoiding hanging out with me they’ve happily spent time doing free stuff with me. They’ve also put up with the fact I haven’t even been able to get them a birthday present this year or indeed buy anything for them (the absolute hardest thing for me!).

I was also asked this year to be bridesmaid to one of my other friends. A complete surprise and a wonderful one. This is the first time I’ve been bridesmaid for someone who wasn’t family. It makes my heart happy that someone would want me to be up there, right next to them, on such an momentous occasion. All of these things just make me sit and think wow. These beautiful beings could have chosen anyone for these things but they chose me (or got stuck with me in the case of the babies 😂). I honestly just feel so lucky to have such caring people surrounding me.

I also have more friends than I know what to do with to be truly honest. I’m not a great socialiser at all, I like who I like and would do anything for them but that tends to be a very small number. Thanks to my job I find myself surrounded by amazing and interesting and funny people. They all seem to be willing to have me as a friend and actually want to talk to me and meet up with me. It’s been really difficult the fact that I’ve had no frivolous money to go out for tea and cake with these new friends but we’ve made it work.

I’m also really grateful for husband and I’s jobs. There are so many people we’ve read about, going through the debt journey, and they’re biggest problem is their income. I have a job which I love and that has been able to double my hours since the start of the year. This is through the generosity of my managers and it has obviously made an immense difference in our ability to clear down the debt. I also love what I do, I spent years in jobs I didn’t enjoy but now I get to love going into work every day. I’m working from 4pm till 2am today and I honestly can’t wait for it! I know that not a lot of people can say that about their jobs.

My family are the other area where I’m filled with love and blessings. I have a fantastic family. They drive me up the wall a lot of the time but that’s what family are for. I have been blessed from the second I was born with my family and I doubled down on it when I got married and had another amazing family take me in and call me their own.

Lastly I’m grateful for all the opportunities we’ve been given. No matter what we need God always seems to give us a way of getting it. No matter how badly we’ve screwed up or when we’ve got sick and tired of budgeting etc etc, we always seem to be able to get back on track. I’m so grateful for all the times that this has happened. We are blessed with a life of abundance and that’s what we need to focus on just now instead of the few small things that we’re griping about. This autumn is definitely a season of big change.

 

 

 

The hardest thing to change

I wanted to put into words what has been hardest for me on our debt free journey. The simple answer is changing me-but most importantly giving.

I don’t actually class myself as a spender. Now obviously in some way I am or I wouldn’t have debt. However I’m not one to go to the shops to buy things for myself. A day in a shopping centre is not my ideal day at all, in fact I’d avoid it if I can. I live in clothes until I literally can’t wear them out the house because it would be indecent, crowds of people make me feel irate and I despise trying on clothes!

Where I do like spending my money though is on other people and on giving to other people. I was very lucky in my upbringing and have emotionally and financially generous parents. I saw them give to people constantly and offer things for people and I subconsciously learned to be the same. I’ve heard all my life that ‘its only money’, and while it was instilled in me that you need that and to work to get it, it also taught me to not need to hold onto it. I need enough to live but if there’s any ‘extra’ then I should use that for others. All my immediate family are the same. If you go out for dinner with us then you better be quick with your card or someone else will have paid it! We also don’t keep track of our debts to each other. You know the scenarios, you’re out and someone doesn’t have cash out so you pay for whatever the thing is as they cry ‘ I’ll give you the money back’ which you then decline so it turns into a never ending game of ‘I’ll get the next thing then’ to make up for it.. It was the thing I found weirdest about husbands (now my) family. They actually keep track of what they owe each other and pay it back! This isn’t to peg them as miserly in any fashion as I’ve married in to another exceptionally loving and extremely giving family, its just a different ethos. It’s maybe as well why husband found it easier to get on board with the debt plan than I did.

My problem comes with what counts as extra money. Prior to our debt journey extra to me just meant that I had the ability to provide that money. It didn’t matter to me if that was my overdraft or credit card because I was paying it off. The fact that I was getting in debt to do it barely registered. So without a doubt its the hardest habit I’ve had to break. 

When I want to do things with my friends or family I’ve had to accept that we may have to half the bill for what we’re doing. Alternatively I’ve even had to accept that they may pay for me…a horror I feel deep inside. I hate other people having/ offering to pay for me, it makes me feel like I shouldn’t have taken up their time or asked and accepted their offer to do something. I feel constrained in my giving because when someone’s sad or mad or happy or has their own money worries I can’t step in and fix that. I loved being able to surprise people or make their day with a wee tea and a cake or a tiny gift. I can’t do that at the moment because its not in the budget and its what’s left us in debt for such a long time because I wouldn’t change. We technically started this plan three years ago but because I wouldn’t commit, and both of us couldn’t say no, then that’s what’s kept us in debt. It is only since January that we’ve committed and surprise surprise its only this year we’ve made a difference. 

The big words that I keep repeating to myself are both Dave classics. The first is biblical and says to get your own house in order. Unsurprisingly I got into trouble here as well. My house to me includes my family and I want to give to them. So the first thing I had to do was understand that my house is my marriage and I need to show respect there first before I try to sort out anyone else. The second is to live like no one else so that later we can live (and give) like no one else. Whenever I waiver, and it is at least weekly, I think of how I’m going to be able to give and provide in the future. If I can just get through these last few months then I’ll be able to see the difference. I’ll also be able to resume some of my previous giving habits but this time tempered with what we can afford. I’ll hopefully have learned balance like I think I have. 

So that’s it, the one debt problem that I struggle with every day. Its good to write it down and talk about it so that it doesn’t become an area of continued weakness. I look forward to being financially secure in the future so I can give. 

K xx

Meal planning and budget

Its the end of the month for us and so the budget has been done ready to go into August. This means that there’s one big thing left for me to do- our meal planning!

I am trying to be a lot stricter with this in terms of budget and also look for more ways to save. Roughly a year ago I did a big over haul of our eating and food spending habits. At that point I cut down our monthly food budget from around £210 per month to on average £130 (that’s for 2 adults, 3 meals a day). After that initial cut I feel I’ve plateaued, the saving was great but I still feel like there has to be so many other ways I can cut the budget even more. So that’s what I’m trying to plan for and do!

My mantra for this year is definitely ‘can I make it myself’. Therefore every meal we make, if we’ve had to buy any ready made ingredients, I want to know if I can do it instead.

The first thing to go was shop bought pasta sauces- this one for me was purely a laziness factor. It initially felt a lot easier to just open a jar than to make one up. I have now stopped being lazy though and started making my own (FYI it takes roughly 1 minute more to make my own basic tomato sauce). This has saved me from spending up to £2 on jarred sauce and instead only costs me 60p for my home sauce ingredients. The eventual dream is that I’ll get good at growing tomatoes and be able to make my own passata base as well.  The next thing that has saved us some money is that I am now mainly vegetarian – much to husbands disgust! It means that our meat order goes twice as far because its just husband eating the meat and I use pulses or meat substitutes instead which are a lot cheaper.

The other area where we’ve saved a lot of money is by me getting a good pizza base recipe. We committed in June that we would stop getting takeout. It was our Saturday night treat to order in pizza. A treat for me that I didn’t have to Cook and a treat for husband cause he loves pizza. However, because he dislikes sharing pizza, it was costing us around £60/£70 per month just on 4 meals. That 50% of our entire months food budget. An absolutely ridiculous waste of money when we’re trying to clear debt. So instead I’ve been making the bases and we’re having delicious cheesy pizza for pennies instead.

Aside from this we also chose a cheaper supermarket to shop in which has helped as well. Although due to the nature of that shop it doesn’t always have everything we need so we do still go to another store once a month for bits and pieces!

How I actually meal plan is simple. I take an inventory of the freezer and pantry first of all. I have a good rough idea so its really just firming up that I have what I think I have. Then I print out a blank monthly calendar and write in all my shifts that I know. That then just leaves me to match food to days. We have a basic ‘bank’ of meals that we eat with the occasional experiment meal thrown in so I try to cycle through them as I go. I usually start with the nights I won’t be in for dinner as these have to be meals husband can make himself which limits the possibilities. Then I choose what days I want lazy meals so ones I can quickly prep or shove in the oven. That just leaves my days off when I have time to make more elaborate meals so they go in as well. That gives me my full months dinners and I make my shopping list on a weekly basis for the fill in ingredients from the planner. The calendar gets stuck up on the fridge and that’s it all done =)

TOP TIPS

– don’t be swayed by brands: own brand is normally just as good. There’s only one or two things we still prefer branded.

– plan round how tired you think you’ll be: I used to be terrible for not taking into account what I was working. I would plan in a meal that took time to prepare and then be to tired and hangry to cook. When that happened we would end up buying takeaway…

– always label the extra portions that go into the freezer. I have too many mystery boxes in the freezer that I was convinced at the time I’d remember what they were.

– weigh your ingredients. I weigh out our pasta and rice portions and cheese etc. Its good for a not being fat point of view but also saves on waste.

– make use of your freezer. I buy frozen instead of fresh for what I don’t grow generally. For mushrooms and peppers I buy, chop and freeze on the day.  For our big meat order I spend a couple of hours on delivery day portioning and wrapping it and then put it in the freezer.

– plan in advance to use any leftovers from dinner and change them into something for lunch the next day.

 

 

Debt journey …

Its been a long while once I wrote about our debt journey. We have still been working on it but have been having various amounts of success and setbacks.

As I’d previously said in November we very stupidly booked to go to Florida again which we did in June. This cost us a lot of money and we did put money on a credit card while out there so that was the biggest setback…we have made good inroads since coming back though and we’re really determined to still get this done by the start of next year. 

Our debt as it stands is a loan for £6695 and the credit card with £1135 so combined debt total of £7830 excluding our mortgage. 

We sat down and did a paper budget this month. As we’ve been decorating then the computer is dismantled so no spreadsheets! It was actually good to sit and write everything down although it is slightly depressing to realise that currently i work purely to pay our debt. However that won’t change till we get rid of it! Since we came back from holiday mid June we have so far managed to pay £1210 back off the debt. If we could continue this then we would make our final debt payment in February 2018. That’s against a final payment projection of September 2020 if we had continued with just our standard payments. So really it is good but its not good enough! My absolute ideal is to make our final payment in December of this year but unless one of us has an unexpected pay increase or bonus then I don’t think that’s realistic.

I get paid this week so we still have one final overpayment to make. It should be for £243 if I get paid what I expect too. Then based on our predicted monies for next month we should pay another £1100 to debt which would put us to just over £6700 left to pay. The figures are definitely going in the right direction.

I am also in the mood to sell everything (or a lot of things anyway) to try and make December a more feasible target for clearing debt. I’m currently just trying to figure out the best way to do it. I’m using marketplace and shpock app because they’re free to list but not having much success yet. So the next option is car boot sales I think, looking around for the best value ones to go to. I have also tried ebay but again nothing seems to be selling yet. 

That’s where we are just now, we both need to try and use our other skills to get it cleared faster and stay focused!

Debt update- March

Another month has flown by and it’s payday again (yay!). This meant we had our final budget meeting of the month last night. We learned a couple of lessons from the month as there were some unexpected monies that we had to pay out and silly things we hadn’t considered.

The first of which was because our hoover packed in. Not ideal when you’re decorating and have an extremely fluffy dog who sheds everywhere! So we had to buy a new one. Now we do put aside money for the house each month as we’re still in the middle of decorating it. However we have that currently earmarked for finishing the downstairs. So we decided to use our ‘spare’ council tax money for the month instead and buy a new hoover. This took away some of the over-payment we’d been intending to make to the debt.

The second lesson we learned (which realistically we should have thought off before) is to take into account the number of weeks in a month. As husband gets paid on the last day of the month, it does make a difference to our monthly budgeting. March was a 5 week month for us and this means that we should have increased our food and petrol allowance. We didn’t so that of course meant we overspent. It was a good lesson to learn and will help us going forward.

We’ve also spent a bit of time organising all our paperwork that just seems to pile up… I was horrified to realise that off the 5K a year we pay to our mortgage, only 1.5K off that actually gets removed from the capital amount. That’s a depressingly small amount! We’ve discussed it and the aim is for us to be debt free by the time we’re both 30 and mortgage free by the time we’re 40. That means that we need to make a massive change or we’ll never achieve it. So… In order to do that and also to help with the debt we’ve cancelled our last sharesave. That gave us a couple of grand back in cash to pay to debt and also frees up £110 per month. That £110 is now going to be an overpayment to the mortgage each month. That’ll start from the beginning of April. One of the reasons for that is we’ll have a lower LTV ratio when it comes time to re-mortgage next year at the end of our fixed rate term. In order to achieve being mortgage free by 40 we will need to start paying 1K a month to our mortgage so we are even more desperate to get rid of this debt so we can do that!

Ok now debt figures… We started the month at £9918, our standard payment of £300 has come off so now to figure out the over-payment! It turns out that we were slightly over enthusiastic last month when it came to paying extra money, we actually put our holiday money to the debt as we’d forgotten it was holiday money… Nevermind! It does mean that we can’t pay as much as we’d thought we could this month though. Our extra payment this month will be £1600. This will take us to £8018. We’ve also managed to sell my old car and I have a couple of makeup jobs which will bring in an extra £400 that can go straight to debt. Also in April my pay rise starts so we will have another £100 per month that can again go to debt each month.

The last thing we have in favour of our debt is that 1K of it isn’t actually our debt. When we were consolidating our debt into a loan we included £1500 to give to one of our friends. (There was a very good reason for doing it). This is paid off at £50 per month and will continue to be. So if we don’t include it then we are down to £6618 that we have left to pay. That works out at just £735 per month for the rest of this year and we’d be done! It is an amazing thought that we could finally be rid of this by 2018. I am desperate for it to become a reality…

Love, Kimmy x

My 5 things- trying to minimise!

This year husband has set me a challenge- to choose five things per day that I can give away or get rid off. Both of us have hoarding tendencies so its one of the hardest things he could ask me to do. Its also one of the best! I’ve agreed on the proviso that he do it as well.

We had a bit of a false start with him trying to convince me that a half empty water bottle counted as one of his five… There was also the simple fact of starting, its one thing to say you’ll do it and another thing to actually do it. 

It’s a simple fact for me that, much like a child, my possessions have never looked so appealing as when I’m contemplating giving them away. I have items that have been in a box since we moved into our house three years ago. When I take them out though all of a sudden they’re the most interesting thing I own. This means I’m spending a lot of time putting things in the charity box just to take them back out again. 

I’ve started asking myself these three questions: 

1- Have I used it recently?

2- Do I need it?

3- Would I want to pack it and take it to our homestead? (when we get it!)

Its the last one that’s the real driving force. I need to get away from being materialistic. All that will happen if I keep it up is we’ll spend our money on things and never pay off the debt. So I figure if I get better at giving my possessions away then I won’t want to replace them. 

Here’s a selection of what I’ve picked out so far. I’m currently part of a bartering group so for a lot of the stuff I’ve put it on there to see if anyone else can make use of it. In return I’m asking for goodies for my store cupboard- beans, tomatoes, puree etc. Its marginally easier for me to give things away if I can see they’re going somewhere they’re appreciated and useful! 

The hardest thing for me to even attempt to give away is books. I love books. I also own quite a few of them. Some I haven’t even read but I can’t bring myself to give them away. I would adore having my own library and want to include a reading nook/room when we get round to building . A lot of the books I now own are digital which has helped but you can’t beat having a real book in your hands. The books in the picture above are the only ones I’ve been able to give away so far.

As the days go on its getting both harder and easier to do. Its therapeutic once you start to give things away. I have found myself looking in drawers and cupboards that have been untouched for other items I can put in my pile. Its getting harder though because obviously the longer we go on, the more attached I am to the possessions I’m looking at. I gave up all the ‘easy’ things in the first few days so now I am onto the ‘what can I live without’. A very different question to what I actually need to live…

I think I’ve made a good start but my pace is slowing, I’ve exhausted nooks and crannies and I have to start giving up items I want!

Any tips on not being such a hoarder?! How did downsizing go for everyone else?